Friday, October 26, 2007

McCanns issue new suspect sketch

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Sexy Beast - The Shortened Script

Sir Ben Kingsley: I'm not fucking Ghandi any more you cunt!

Ghandi is inexplicably shot.

The end.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Another hilarious photograph interloper

Tut, tut. You wouldn't be doing that in my society.

Elder Abuse - shocking and disgusting

I was recently alerted by way of a poster advertising campaign to the shocking level of Elder Abuse being committed in our so-called society.

This is disgusting and shocking, but it is an all-too-easy trap for the average man in the street to fall into.

Look at the fucking state of that. What a mess. They just can't look after themselves.

Jeeesus Christ! What the fuck are those supposed to be?

Look, I'm just getting angry now. Are they trying to wind me up?

You fucking cunt!

No, that's enough. Burn the fucking lot of them in a big gas oven, I say.

Fucking Bollocks Arsecrack

I have a terrible jealous streak and today I'm jealous of Mr Bitches

Fucking Bollocks Arsecrack - that's fucking bollocks arsecrack, I want to be top on Google for a sweary search too.

Does this work?

Monday, April 02, 2007

Disgusted and shocked that this kind of thing still goes on

Overheard in a pub the other day:

"My friend is going to have to move out of her flat, because she's Jew."

All matter of fact, just like that, like we were all sat in the Bürgerbräu Keller or something.

I was so shocked that I didn't gather who was forcing her to move out (the landlord? the neighbours?) but whatever - surely there's a law against this sort of thing?

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I've been on the internets all my life

This is me in North Tawton in 1981:

It serves me right. What a fat fuck.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Months after it was fashionable...

...I've noticed the latest big thing the Fools Who Are Easily Parted From Their Money are pissing away their cash on rather than paying tax or giving it to a worthwhile charitable cause: YouTube.

There's all sorts of stuff on there, some of which is actually good because it was made by professional people for broadcast on real television channels. Who knows how long it'll be before the inevitable happens and whole thing is shut down on account of the blatant copyright infringement. It's just like all over again - remember that, kids?

In the meantime, here's something you may have missed when it was on BBC3...

Fantastic. Okay, there's only one real joke - but what a joke.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

It's not big or clever. Don't do it.

Looking through my recent holiday snaps I notice something a trifle off colour.

Take these two seemingly innocuous photographs, taken at St Ives and The Eden Project respectively. Both very public places, the sort of places where you would expect to find people using cameras.

Hold on. What's that near the edge? Oh! Ha ha ha, yes, very funny - someone's taking a picture that's not of us, but let's pose for it anyway! Gosh, you're clever! Yes, that'll show me for having the hubris to use a camera, to take pictures of places I'm at, while I'm on holiday!

Hey, here's my toothbrush, want to stick it up your arse before I click the shutter, yes, that'd be really funny! No, I know, just stand there with and pose like an idiot. That'll show how very witty you are.

Look, I wouldn't have minded just the one person, but this looks like a trend. What Sunday-supplement writer suggested it? Or was it Richard & Judy? Well, if you're reading, I hope you feel satisfied.

If you know these people, be sure to remind them what not to do they don't want their grinning (or pouting - I assume that's what her on the right is attempting) faces plastered over some random blog on the Interwebs.